Sunday 17th October 2021
By Phil Anthony
FOBG Squad: Matt Angelo, Phil Anthony, Colin Mant, Giles Foister, Sinisa Gracanin, Waine Hetherington, George Kleanthous, Joe Skinner, Simon Thomas, Peter Harvey, Jay Hardy, Danny Hetherington, Dave ‘Disco’ Morgan, Ian Coles.
Referee: No idea, but he did a fair job 8/10.
Kit sponsor: The Dog and Duck, Outwood.
Manager: George Kleanthous.
Interim Chief Football Correspondent: Phil Anthony.
Chief Impact Officer: Phil Anthony.
This match was against our old foes CUACO and for those that do not know where their name comes from, CUACO originally came from the Commercial Union and Associated Offices Athletic Club, who were formed in 1919. It does not stand for ‘Colin’s Underwear Awareness & Condom Organisation’ (this is Colin Mant of course and not Colin Brazier). Their home ground is Old Dunstonians in West Wickham and there was much pre-match talk about how long the grass was on the pitch.
The match started evenly and the grass was certainly making an impact on both teams. With 4 fingers Matt in goal, Giles and Sini at centre backs and Sniper (replaced by Colesy in the 2nd half) & Manty full backs, what could go wrong you may ask? Well, their 3 goals came from defensive errors, the first was when 4 fingers should have put his foot through the ball and their player to clear a 1 on 1, the second was a lovely header off one of their strikers to find their midfielder (who sniper really should have covered) and their third an own goal from a free kick (given away by a back pass from Colesy to Matt), deflected off Manty, which we believe Matt would have saved. Of course, we could blame the grass for this, but Jay wasn’t commenting. Giles and Sini were immaculate in their positions and Manty had a brilliant chance to score in the 2nd half, but pulled it wide (apparently no left foot).
Our midfield of Joe, George, Waine and Simon seemed to be overrun in the first half, with their older guy pulling the strings; he was a good player and continued to be a thorn in our side, along with their young midfielder (tall guy, small pony tail, scored from their free kick) who probably covered as much ground as George did. We did improve after our half-time team talk.
Their centre half took a liking to Peter for some reason and enjoyed some robust tackles, coming from behind, from the side and on top. In one such incident, a knee to Peter’s groin (apparently right in the middle), caused some concern. The crowd looked on with screams of laughter and dismay. They must have thought, will he recover, will he ever find them again, how will he fill his sack at Christmas. Well, he did recover, but finished the game hobbling.
Ultimately, we know we will create chances and score goals, but we will also concede (so far GD +14, GA 18 GF 32). Peter lobbed their keeper superbly; their manager commented that there were many professional footballers being paid millions to miss those opportunities. George tucked away his penalty with ease after Peter was taken down in the area. Danny Hetherington scored a blinder from outside the area which apparently the Hetherington household will not hear the last of for a long time. To try and top this, Disco Dave opened his scoring with a well taken right foot placed shot (Kyp may need some lessons here Dave) into the bottom corner of the net.
However, the top player of the day must go to Jay, who covered so much ground you’d think he was high on something, maybe the long grass. His two goals superbly taken, the second while Peter was lying in agony, trying to find the remains of his manhood. Jay got nine of the MOM votes and totally deserved them. BTW – Manty couldn’t decide who to vote for and he initially voted for Danny Hetherington twice; Waine … suggest you have a word, I think your son has pulled, but you’d better warn him.
Man-of-the-match: Absolutely nailed man of the match, with 9 out of 14 votes: Jay Hardy.
Man of the match: Jay Hardy