Match Report

Senior Vets Blow Away COVID Cobwebs

Our season had, like Julius Caesar’s, ended on the Ides of March and here we were five months later back in play, albeit with some necessary COVID adjustments.  Waine Hetherington had met a man in a pub, in his pub actually, and arranged today’s extra game against Nutfield Vets.  As God moves in mysterious ways, we had ended up playing the game in Epsom at the Nescot Sports Ground.  There was a rumour we were next door to the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses but I think this was an attempt by the lads to hear one of my testicular jokes again.  I resisted the temptation. 

Less easy to resist was the compelling aesthetic of our new kit, courtesy of our new sponsor.  Inspired by the retro aura of the kit stripes in Escape to Victory it effortlessly blended the bacon and egg colours of the Guild with the energy of a club going places.  Yellow provided a tasteful base colour, stylishly punctuated with red.  Eyes were inexorably drawn to the club badge ready to be kissed in a gesture of resonant symbolism, once the goals started flowing. 

FOBG Squad:  Matt Angelo, Giles Foster, Jay Hardy, Waine Hetherington, Michael Hills, Ian Lyons, Colin Mant, Kypros Michael, Patrice Mongelard, Joe Skinner, Simon Thomas, Gordon Thompson and Ricky Young.

Director of Football: Mick O’Flynn

Kit sponsor: The Dog and Duck, Outwood

Supporters: Kayleigh Richards, Chris Webb

Chief Football Correspondent:  Patrice Mongelard

The later kick off of 12:30 was unusual, and it seemed to take longer to find the pitch in the vast complex. The loquacious referee, who clearly enjoys his role, added to the anticipation.  Collectively, we looked a tad older than our opponents.  The pitch was dry, tufty in places and likely to be a challenge for owners of rusty touches.

There was not much to separate the teams initially. After a quarter of an hour Kypros Michael, looking trimmer than the photos of meaty beachfront barbecues from Cyprus presaged, broke through to convert a Gordon Thompson assist by lofting the ball over the keeper who had unwisely ventured off his line.  Kyp had peaked early, more on that later.

An even better goal followed five minutes later when Michael Hills burst through from the back, to connect with another Gordon Thompson assist, slip the ball behind the Nutfield defence, and carry on unencumbered, to guide the ball low into the bottom corner. Things do not always climax that way for Michael but this was a happy ending witnessed rapturously by partner Kayleigh.

At 2-0 we were in control but then Matt Angelo had a moment, making Sylvester Stallone look good in goal, when he came out to gather a through ball, having put himself in a prone position needlessly.  The ball escaped and the Nutfield forward had an empty net to fill.  Matt will beat himself up over this but he did many other things in the game that were very good and his name should already be on manager Mick O’Flynn’s team sheet for next week.

A fairer reflection of the game came just before half-time when yet another pass from the King of Assists, Gordon “Samaritan” Thompson set up Jay Hardy for a powerful crisp finish that the Nutfield keeper could not keep out.

The second half was even more eventful.  Long before the second water break we had grown the score to 5-1, with an own goal (an exquisite header in the top corner from a Farnborough free kick which Michael Hills speared into the box); and a vintage strike by Ricky Young who chested the ball in the box, made room, swivelled and steered the ball beyond the keeper.  At that point things could have got a little one-sided but to their credit Nutfield fought back.  Injury to one of their players resulted in the introduction of a 13-year-old, who promptly embarrassed the Farnborough defence with a very good goal.  He told me he was playing with a hangover (surely not, what do they put in dandelion & burdock these days?).  Mick O’Flynn thought that I might have misheard the lad (how would he know?) and he was saying he had stayed up late to watch the film “The Hangover”. 

The Young Whippet then caused Michael Hills to be the first Farnborough Senior Vet to be booked this season.  Michael had in the eyes of the referee interfered with the minor, fortunately just outside our box, to impede his progress.  After a couple of scares from Nutfield free kicks and corners we re-established a degree of control but without adding to the score. 

Kypros Michael fluffed two or three chances, keeping up his ratio of misses to goals.  Gordon Thompson hit the post after some nifty footwork. Jay Hardy put a free kick against the bar (and did worse when he was asked to retake it).  Simon Thomas confessed he ought to have done better on a couple of occasions.  He could not fathom why he did not earn a penalty when taken roughly from behind.  Even Colin Mant nearly produced a reminder of why he was Golden Boot eons ago. 

More goals would not have flattered us but in the end our opponents deserved credit for their spirit and the way they played the game.   It felt strange to go home without the customer experience of a shower, beer and après-match analysis but this seemed a price worth paying for being able to play football again, and to see the lads, including very useful additions to the squad.  I kept my eyes peeled for a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses as I made my way out of the area but in vain. 

Man of the match:  Michael Hills, in spite of the Neanderthal touch with the plucky young lad.