Match Report

On a crusty Sunday morn we collapsed into the finer parts of Lewisham, to try our new year joy on a mudbath of a pitch really only fit for old bruiser vets that have nothing better to do then turn up on a weekend morning ready to engage in the old common Roman ritual of mud slinging.

A welcome return back from the groin strain clinic was Stewart "Call me Clint" Savaaaaaage. It''s amazing how quickly a groin can heal at our age.......................not surprisingly it''s amazing how quickly a groin strain at our age collapses again, leaving the old sud weeping once again on the touchline, having cut short the full 90 minutes. Personally I think it’s just a ploy to hunt Apache, while still having his posse close by. Another welcome return from ours truly Mick “The Brick" Gearing, who once again bailed us out in our hour of need.

NEWS FLASH............"Man with ankle broken in 27 places by aggressive blade of turf makes miraculous recovery"........yup our man Mark James who was released surprisingly early from the A and E department of the Rose ''n'' Crown finds 20 pints of lager really do help in the latter stages of a "Metatarsal Moment" which in turn boosts the immunity system and allows a full finger boogie scenario on the pitch.........Mark a friendly guy...admits later "I only had the missus to beat, and I will hop over later”. So we not surprisingly went 1-0 down before half -time. After a brief chat about how we could not play any worse the second half..............we truly did, and lost 4 -1. Chris Bourlet was our scorer.

And that’s about how good our performance was all game, END OF. If someone can tell me how a guy 5 ton overweight, looking like the "Great Unwashed" can flit around the penalty area missing 4 shots on target that a home grown daffodil can save, and STILL get man of the match is a mystery to me.

Man of the Match, God Love Him..............Toby "Pants" Harlow