Match Report

Supporters: Gary Williamson, Marcus Allen and family, Andy Cobb and daughter, Mrs Blackwell and little lady Blackwell, Kev Lott's brother.

The weather was more suited to the cricket than football but it at least encouraged the families down to Farrow Fields. A number turned out, with dogs and kiddies to watch a score line more likely at next week's rugby world cup. A silly game with no nets and the wrong shape ball but each to their own!

Manager Damien suffered an injury scare in the week when he had noticed his Dale Winton tan had started to fade so he immediately booked a family holiday to the Canaries to address the situation and so yours truly was promoted to match day duties. Like his tan, my appointment, is not permanent and he will be back in the dugout shortly. So we agreed to meet on Friday night to talk tactics and also drew on the experience of former manager Marcus Allen. We can thoroughly recommend the Istanbul Grill in Locksbottom (Locky B to the younger readers) and watching the Belly Dancer provided instant inspiration regarding our movement. All three of us agreed a big two upfront is always welcome and if our movement is as good as her hips then we will easily slip a few in. She was also a master with the sword display although Mrs Preston, Mrs H and Mrs Allen all agreed that if we didn’t stop staring then they would perform their own display with the cutlery. We made a hasty retreat to the safety of Lupo Bianco for more tactical discussions only to find more Botox than in Towie. There was so much plastic on show that if any of the ladies gave birth it would have been to a lovely Tupperware box. The tactical discussions went on long into the night and both Marcus and myself were clearly mentally drained as our swings at the next day’s golf comp at West Kent didn’t go to plan.

So the pre-match news was that both vets sides had a goalkeeping crisis. Unfortunately, Guild's no 1 Gary Rosslee had pulled something in Ibiza the week before and was out and so that probably explains the black eye. Must have been a thigh strain or something anyway, we are fortunate that we have a few that can play in goal but unfortunately a DIY injury to my finger ruled me out (nothing to do with the Belly Dancer) but either Matti Wright or Mark Friend could step in. Fair play to Mark he put his hand up straight away to volunteer and so went in goal and made a super save early on to keep a much changed Old Colfeians team at bay. They had recruited well in the summer including Guild player Danny Mullins.

The early exchanges were probably in our opposition's favour until Si Davies let fly from 25 yards for an absolute cracker of a goal. This is not the first time Si has scored from such long range and what a player he would be if he was more selfish or confident as we are in his ability. This settled us and we started to play a much more fluid passing game with Sean Blackwall impressing on his debut as support to Alan. Alan came in for a bit of pre-match banter regarding his movement. I have booked a table at the Istanbul Grill as to show him how it is done but today the banter must have inspired him. Two players questioned Alan’s movement but this is just not his game and we have found in Sean someone who will complement. On the subject of movement, hopefully the two in question will demonstrate their own mobility on the pitch soon. I will not name the inspirational pair but it’s been a while since we have seen you both in a Guild shirt fellas! Oh and Barry can you return your shirt if you are not available and Neil I love the electric scooter, true mobility.

So Alan was inspired and scored six, yes a double hat-trick. A fantastic effort and I will not describe all the goals other than we thought we would go into the half-time break 5-0 up courtesy of the goals from Si, Alan (x3) and a well deserved debut goal by Sean. It should have been much more but old habits crept in and we fell asleep and in the dying minutes of the first half. Matti Wright had earlier produced a great last ditch tackle to preserve our lead and so we knew the opposition carried a threat and they broke clear and played the ball to Danny Mullins who managed to stay onside and then squared for a simple tap in by his striker. From the restart Colfs regained possession and put Danny through on goal and Paul Parsons adjudged that Mark had pulled him down, with the slightest of touches and the resulting penalty was put away to make the half-time score 5-2. We should have been more in front but our finishing and defending still requires some sharpness in the early season games. The message at half-time was not to rest as the last 25 minutes of the first half, apart from a crazy two minutes, was such good football. Expectant dad James Clarke came on at right back and yours truly replaced Matti Wright at centre half when he switched to left back for the departing Joe Champ.

The two goals had galvanised our opposition but Alan made it 6-2 after good work from Matt Ellis. Fair play to Colfs they kept coming as the heat was beginning to take a toll on us and our lack of numerous subs was a disadvantage. They reduced the arrears when Mark was beaten at the near post and then their midfielder did a Si Davies and hit a brilliant shot that gave Mark no chance. Worse was to follow when James was challenged and he twisted his ankle and could no longer continue. Hopefully nothing worse than a twist but he will still probably be in the A&E ward of the PRU by the time this gets posted on the website. It was hard on James and we hope he will not be limping to the delivery suite anytime soon. Best wishes on the ankle James and the birth of the little one.

We reorganised and Sean had come back on upfront with Robin at central defence and yours truly at right back. Again our opposition kept coming and with the benefit of 5 subs could keep freshening up their team. We broke and Alan tucked away a pen when Si was fouled. Some thought Si had made a meal of it but even if he did his knee was taken from him and to me not much to argue about and Paul got it right. Again the spirit of Colfs was admirable as their winger scored a solo effort. We all agreed that the back 5 should have done much better. So it was 7-5 and after a string of Colfs corners we broke and Alan fed Paul Tanton who did what he does best to make no mistake from 10 yards out by placing the ball into the bottom right corner of the net. Alan completed the scoring to finally put our opposition away but even on this goal they were all throwing bodies in the way to try and stop Alan from placing into the bottom corner.

So not a great defensive display but the midfield of Si, Matt Ellis, Tant and Dean Murphy created numerous chances. Dean having a fine game out on the unfamiliar right wing. It was a day when the defence could have a bad day at the office as our front players put away their chances. We will have to be tighter in future games when hopefully it is not so hot!

Sean joined us for pre-season training and had a fine debut and won 6 of the MOM votes. I only knew his family were watching as when taking him off they all left! They missed a good final cameo late on when he also had a mazy run, beating three players before hitting the post. Its hard on Al when you score 6 and still do not get MOM but Alan himself voted for Sean and thanks for a nice gesture of the jug of beer, next time get it in before the voting! Si Davies, Robin Moody and Alan (4) made up the rest of the votes.

So thanks to Mark for keeping goal, Matti Ellis for helping out, Leanne for the food, Gary for match day duties and Robin for taking the kit. Robin, you have an extra week for Mrs Moods to clean the kit as we shall wear the blue away strip next week when we are hosted by Charlton Rangers at Perry Street. A tough fixture so let's bring our A game!Enjoy the nice hot week.