Match Report

Farnborough keep the score down

We always look forward to this away trip.  It is only three exits from Orpington on the M25, provided you turn off before the Dartford Tunnel.  The rain drains off into the nearby quarry, so the pitch is invariably playable though a tad claggy.  There is a catering van by the changing room.  The pub after the game is cosy and welcoming.  Our opponents always praise the Fountain of Youth from which many of us apparently drink deep.  Our numbers had dwindled to twelve overnight and we had to warm up without balls for a bit, and when the balls did arrive caretaker Manager Patrice Mongelard fell over attempting a shot in the warm up, and this seemed to put the (Farnborough) lads in a good mood.  Phil Anthony wished he had filmed the moment – his idea of a joke.  It was overcast but stayed dry, and in the absence of wind it was certainly not as cold as last Sunday. 

FOBG Squad:  Matt Angelo, Phil Anthony, Sinisa Gracanin, Jay Hardy, Simon Harvey, Dan ‘Babyface’ Herbert, Michael Hills, Colin Mant, Gary Mason, Joe Skinner, Simon ‘Dorian Gray’ Thomas, Gordon Thompson.

Supporters: Rob Mackie, Patrice Mongelard and Kayleigh Richards

Chief Football Correspondent:  Patrice Mongelard (mistaken for a journalist by a Lads of the Village player who was a fan of FOBG Senior Vets match reports).

A neutral observer of this game would give Farnborough 75-80% possession and then wonder at how the final score was only 2-0 (with our second goal coming in the 85^th minute).  Of course, it was not all down to us.  Lads of the Village defended in numbers, with no little skill and spirit, and did not shirk a challenge.  They will be the first to agree that they did not pose too much of a threat up front.  For a good while neither did we.  Final balls were not good enough, crosses were overhit or inaccurate, we lacked numbers in their box, corners were wasted.  The Lads keeper was no mug and when he was beaten the bar came to his rescue (from Dan Herbert’s shot on the quarter hour).  Simon Thomas had two gilt-edged opportunities between the 20th and 30th minutes but dallied, took one touch too many, and produced weak shots.  Simon thought he had broken the deadlock after thirty-five minutes by turning a cross from Joe Skinner into the net but the assiduous Lads linesman had perceived an infringement of the offside rule.  Five minutes later there was no such perception after Gordon Thompson, the Farnborough King of Assists, drifted down the left all the way to the by-line, prompted by a Simon Harvey pass, before cutting a low ball back for ginger fox in the box Jay Hardy to poke home.  It was a slick move, too quick for the linesman’s reflex action.

It was clear at half-time that we were not committing enough players forward.  It was not clear why or how timidity had crept in our game.  The Lads' fierce tackling must have had something to do with it.  Moreover, as Gary Mason noted “the talking was crap”.  Michael Hills had threatened spasmodically with his penetrating runs but as partner Kayleigh noted he needed to take his time in front of the goal.  At other times she advised him to improve his aim, for example as when a shot from the edge of the box moments into the second half, faded just wide of the post. 

At the other end Matt Angelo was not exactly overworked.  In fact he seemed to spend more time in the centre circle than in his box in the second half.  This did not however prevent a Matt moment - we always get at least one per game, when he passed the ball straight to an unmarked Lads forward in the box when there were acres of room on the other side and no player from the opposing team.   It was fortunate that said forward, no doubt very surprised at his good fortune, snatched at his shot and the ball went wide with Matt diving to his right to create the illusion that he had made a save.  The award of a corner was fortuitous as the ball was already heading there in my view.   Matt later revealed in the intimacy of our car journey that he was once, in the line of duty, clumped on the head by Jeremy Corbyn.  Jeremy has not been the same since. 

The second half was no less frustrating for us.  Lots of foreplay but no penetration as Kayleigh was telling me in our technical area.   Sini Gracanin, Michael Hills, Gordon Thompson all threatened with shots but the Lads keeper was either equal to them or we were narrowly off target.  Our low football intelligence found expression in the execution of the four or five corners we forced in the half.  Our tallest player took them, they were invariably hit long to the back post where we had no presence, or if we did it was our shortest player Jay Hardy.  To be fair to Jay he was the author of the most dangerous header we had in the half, twisting his neck muscles to put a whipped cross from Simon Harvey a foot wide of the post.  It took us until the 85th minute to double our lead. Sinisa Gracanin injected a bit of class in proceedings with an incursion into the Lads box; the ball was recycled to an unmarked Simon Thomas at the far post who tapped it in. 

Michael Hills took himself off with a few minutes left, in an act of self-control, after exchanging words with ‘The Mullet’.  At times the robust ministrations of the Lads of the Village defence raised eyebrows and Jay Hardy and Simon Weston in particular were taken roughly from behind several times.  The word  “Referee”,  articulated clearly and with a degree of physical distress, in Simon Thomas' best RSC voice, appeared to fall on deaf ears, whilst Jay Hardy seemed to enjoy the experience.  This said, there were no clear and obvious flashpoints, most players shook hands at the end (except The Mullet (he had fins perhaps) and the referee did a fair job. 

The experience in the cosy Lads of the Village pub was priceless.  This is not an occasion to miss.  The hospitality and the banter were great as usual.  Lucky Panties (100% record) Manty won the £20 football card raffle through his well-known affection for a West London club and promptly bought a second round - including one for the Lads of the Village management.  Joe Skinner showed more signs of having overdone his 40th birthday celebrations by falling off his stool – a touch of cramp he said, and the fiery Lads of the Village centre half was nowhere near him.  Matt Angelo paid his own homage to Python Terry Jones’ Mr Creosote by inhaling several egg, ham and cheese and onion sandwiches, and reaching for several wafer-thin chicken nuggets.  He is not the Messiah, he is a naughty boy. 

Next week we start a run of five consecutive home games.  The smart money is on at least one of those being played at Norman Park.  I’ll be on to Meryl just in case.  Talking of money, I must drop into my local HSBC to get that £50 note from Jay Hardy checked out. 

Man of the Match – Sinisa Gracanin, our Croatian technical player who will celebrate his man of the match award, and Brexit next Friday, by lighting one of Gwyneth Paltrow’s candles.