Match Report

Where’s Wally vs CUACO?

Squad: Pete Harvey, Colesy, Sniper (Phil Anthony), Biggles (Colin Brazier), Joe Skinner, Waine Hetherington, Louis Hussey, Mullins, Bram Wouters, Jonny Gasson, Jay Hardy, Sean Blackwell.

Interim Director of Football (Waine)

Interim Chief Correspondent (Phil)

You may wonder why the match report title is "Where’s Wally vs CUACO"? Well one of the reasons I enjoy playing for Farnborough is that there is always much to talk and laugh about and Sunday's game was no different.

Having volunteered to do the match report, as Interim Chief Correspondent, I have put myself in a bit of a quandary, as I will need keep this match report, factual, concise and clean (with no 'double entendres') to keep up to the standard that our Chief Correspondent sets. I await feedback if I’ve succeeded.

Ut est illud vexillum (Latin for 'To keep up that standard'), here is the match report, based on what I saw and experienced.

I was also tasked with collecting subs as "you are the oldest player here Phil" … which I accepted wholeheartedly (the task & being the oldest player).

So, we turned up at Old Dunstonians' ground, I say we, in its most voluminous sense, because there were a few players missing.

Where's Manty? We have the football kit and the medical bag, but not our manager for the day.

Where's our keeper? We were expecting Dean to play in goal, but no sign of him. Luckily Pete volunteered to go in goal and had a great game; he only let 4 goals past him. Is he our new keeper now?

Where's Joe? We kicked off with 10 men whilst Joe was putting in new studs into his football boots. The oppo were asking which one was Joe after the game.

Where's Sniper? He warned the team he would be late and asked if his kit could be taken out onto the pitch, to find it back in the changing room.

Where's Sniper (again)? Having left the pitch for a p*ss in the trees after just 5 minutes on the pitch – "it’s the cold weather" he says.

Where's Mullins? He's off on one of those many darting runs.

Where's Jay? Think he's smoking something?

Where's Pete? He's not up front, he's in goal.

See if you can spot these players in the picture, below.

We started off with 10 men, while Joe was screwing back at the changing room. Sniper had no kit so had to go back to the changing room, where he saw Joe struggling with his nuts.

Luckily, Sniper got changed quickly and entered the brouhaha; we were still 0-0 when we eventually got 11 players on the pitch.

New player Louis, apparently hadn’t played for quite a few years, but here is a player that would benefit the squad. He ran at their defence all the time, putting them on the back foot and he immediately showed his quality with a great goal and his link up play with everyone.

We also had the benefit of two 'Young Vets' players, Jonny keeping our defence solid and making those 'Rio Ferdinand' runs from defence out into midfield and up front. Sean playing as our no. 9 up front,  also making an immediate impact with his intelligent positional sense, his hold up play and scoring a goal for all his hard work.

Colin B also showing his left-footed skills; sorry spellchecker says ‘lead-Footed'.

Joe proving he could still screw – up, gave a penalty away, but otherwise had a solid game.

Waine & Jay in the middle of the park – what more could you ask for? Jay winning all the 50-50 tackles (maybe down to his medicamenta utiliter intake) and Waine finding his way into those smallest parvis foraminibus. I can't remember Jay's goal to be honest, but it was probably a 'crack'ing shot.

Where's the goals? Again, a match of multiple chances for us. We could have won by a handful, but at least we didn't lose.

Where's the soap? One of Mick's favourites, but we're having 'nun' of that in the showers mate!!

Man of the match votes were as follows: Jay 3, Louis and Jonny 2 each, Waine, Sean and Pete 1 each.

Jay 'weed'ing out into the lead.

All in all, a satisfying win against a good team. Their goals were very well worked, and Pete didn't really have much of a chance against any of them. Possibly defensive errors in some, but all forgotten now as the 'Where’s Wally' team get another win.