Match Report

Venue: Old Colfeians, Eltham Road, Lee.

Squad: Gary Rosslee, James Clarke, Robin Moody, Neil Pearce, Joe Champ, Dean Murphy, Justin Blundell, Damian Preston, Paul Tanton, Matt Kerby, Marcus Allen, Mark Harrington , Barry Grainger.

It is always a pleasure to play Old Colfs and I do not mean that because we won and scored a few goals. The spirit of the game can always be questioned elsewhere but not against today’s opposition. None more so does the spirit shine than demonstrated by our opposition manager Will. Every time we have played Old Colfs he either takes to the pitch or the whistle and always has a welcoming manner.

Today Will took to be the custodian of the goal for Colfs, in truth he is probably more a wicket keeper than a goalkeeper but his toe punt goal kicks at least made the halfway line which is more than I can say for my period between the sticks.

This fixture is always labelled the MILF game but as this is a family web site you will have to ask my colleagues why it is entitled so. If I can provide any clues I suspect the number of Chelsea Tractors at this private school ground may have something to do with it. Whoever reversed the 4x4’s in to park for the parents delivering Tobias and Tabitha to their rugby games deserves the man of the match award.

This is a ground that has only one football pitch surrounded by numerous rugger fields. The look of disdain from the egg chuckers' friends and family could intimidate less hardened folk. We at FOBG are however made of harder stuff and in truth use to such ridicule so their comments of “it’s the wrong shape ball” and “we do not use nets you know” really didn’t register.

In fact with our first half performance, the nets really were never an issue. Last week we were quick out of the traps but for some reason, maybe overconfidence, we were sluggish and passes were going astray. Thankfully Justin decided to fool everyone in the ground by taking a ball 25 yards out and after bouncing off three parts of his body, unleash a shot that was even too slow for Will in the opposition goal. The pace deceived Will, it was slower than he thought and nestled in the bottom right hand corner for us to take a 1-0 lead. Matt Kerby fresh from his US holidays then doubled the advantage. It would be a liberty if I tried to joke on this goal as it was an absolute “proper football goal”. Marcus has tried to instil a play-from-the-back mentality and this goal would have been in excess of what he thought was capable. Started by right back James Clarke who cleverly missed out Tant, Si Davies played a brilliantly “dummy” and Matt ran though to round the keeper to make the half-time score 2-0. A goal to grace any game.

Half-time changes saw Joe rest his calf and Justin have time to reflect on his “daisy cutter” which enabled Barry Grainger and yours truly to enter the field. Kerbs got his second and expertly heard my “dummy” call which enabled me to right foot finish past the keeper and the man on the line. A really special moment for me as it’s been a long 2 years road to recovery and rehabilitation and just being out there is great let alone score my second ever goal for the Guild. Well this is the excuse I used to Mrs H for staying in the pub for most of Sunday afternoon! Justin came back on to score his second and then his perfectly weighted pass set me up for my second of the game, I gave the keeper “I am going to pass look” only to fool him with a side foot finish at the near post. My two years out have clearly made people forget my footballing attributes. If he really knew me he would know a pass was never on!

Kerbs apparently works for the firearms part of the Met but after his open goal miss, which I am sure will give him nightmares, I don’t think criminals will be shaking in their boots. He did however save Will from embarrassment as in all seriousness, despite the miss, Matt had created the opportunity for himself by his hassling. Marcus did ask me to comment on this attempt at goal as a lesson to others.

Barry scored a superb 25 yard shot which would have no doubt been saved by Will if he had not earlier come out of goal to replace a hamstrung colleague. His deputy however did produce a fine save from Bazza from the same distance.

Our scoring was completed by Tant who arrived at the back stick to tap in Robin’s flick on.

This really was not a game of who scored but more so of who missed sitters. It would be too long a list to name Robin, Damo, Si, Kerbs so I won’t.

Anyway, a good result, goal difference well in the black, unbeaten in four weeks and I am told that Paul Tanton has now scored for the Guild in an amazing 30 seasons. A superb effort and if you combine them all, I am also told that distance wise, you still don’t get out of the penalty area. Anyway it is still an amazing effort. Well done Tant.

Away to Sanatogen Vets next week. We shall need to be sharper than today if we are to continue the good run.

A good week to you all.