Match Report

Senior Vets fade in a field in Farleigh

The week leading up to this game saw a lot of speculation concerning a potential new publication by co-manager Patrice Mongelard inspired by the return of the Buffetsaurus that is Nick Waller minus big plate though. The book has a catchy title: Waldorf’s Buffetsaurus and much like the Roget’s version contains endless descriptions of various names employed to describe the art form of post-match hospitality consumption of which Nick is considered to be something of a demon. The game today was more relevant to Roger’s Profanosaurus as Statler had trouble getting the ball under control on several occasions.

As the squad became apparent during the week and co-manager Waldorf was amongst the absentees along with half of our defenders he was noted to say that my plans for substitutions were akin to rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Rumours that he had put a tenner on a Waller OG at the bookies with odds of 3 to 1 on were unfounded. This week also saw the first appearance of Chief Supernintendo Bourlet of the Yard who always likes to make an appearance in this fixture as West Farleigh were one of his former teams.

Last week’s bout of car trouble continued with an appeal for a pick-up from Maidstone Station from Phil and a Saturday night text from Michael indicating that his car had also packed up and he too needed a lift – Mick was able to help Michael and Phil sorted out his car in time.

Sunday morning saw a number of texts come in with confusion over who Sini was picking up, Des running late to meet Sini, Compo requesting to start as sub and to top it all West Farleigh’s manager ringing at 9.00am to say he only had 8 players and was thinking of calling the game off. Luckily I managed to persuade him that I would loan him some of our finest players if needs be to ensure even sides and set off for the Kent countryside.

So in theory we had 15 which then changed back to 16 once Phil appeared then ended up with 14 at the start due to Compo running late and the non-appearance of Colin Mant due to a virus of some sort of the illness nature not the PC variety. Having had to rewrite the plans for the fourth time we lined up in glorious sunshine like this:

Gary Fentiman GK
Chris Bourlet RB
Colesy CB
Sinisa Gracanin CB
Roger French LB
Phil Anthony DM
Simon Thomas RM
Stephane Anelli CM
Des Lindsay CM
Waine Hetherington LM
George Kleanthous CF

Subs: Obi Ugwumba, Mick O’Flynn, Nick Waller and Andy Faulks

Supporters: Isabelle French, Louie Dwight, Obi Ugwumba Jnr and Andy Hanscomb.

In the absence of regular match reporters Waldorf and Colin Mant the account this week is going to be very brief. Suffice to say we spent a fair amount of time in our own half from the kick-off but Gary didn’t have much to do in goal. We managed to score halfway through the first half with our first and probably only shot of the half when Waine picked up a defensive clearance on the edge of the box and fired off a right foot shot that slipped under the diving West Farleigh keeper to give us the lead much against the run of play. Substitutions were made on the half hour but due to the various scribbled notes it is hard to work who came off although I do know that Mick, Michael and Compo came on.

Despite our opposition's worries about fielding a team they managed to get 12 by kick-off and that included Deano with a broken hand who continued to cause our defence problems. In the last few minutes of the half I think it was in fact him that dispossessed Sini in midfield in a rather robust fashion and played the ball forward for their striker to poke the ball past the onrushing Gary in goal.

Half-time was a very dry affair as all the water bottles were in Colin’s possession and nobody had thought to cover Pat’s contribution on the orange front. This might have contributed to the two lapses of concentration in the second half that gifted two goals to West Farleigh to give them the win. I don’t recall a shot that was on target for us in the second half although Stephane did come close with a couple of consecutive attempts that were well defended. The Buffetsaurus swapped with Super Nintendo at half-time and almost looked like repeating his goal of the season with a diving header (in the correct penalty area) which unfortunately went wide this time. Various other changes took place but have lost track of the order of play. Gary did make a quality save to keep the score to 3 and they managed to hit the post late on with Phil on hand to clean up.

All in all a disappointing game for us but things didn’t look so bad as we sat in the sun outside The Good Intent pub on the green with a large platter of chips, chicken bites and deep fried battered onion rings trying to make sense of the order of play according to my garbled sheet with several different team formations listed.

As the votes were collected and counted Colesy was declared the Man of the Match. Bring back Waldorf or at least Manty…I can’t be done with this match reporting lark too.

Telephone numbers
Getting me down
Got the wrong number
Telephone numbers
Going through my head
But the lines are dead