Match Report

So many goals, so many players!

This could have easily been 15-0. We were totally dominant from start to finish against opponents who to be fair are a few divisions below and in the process of rebuilding.

Firstly I am pleased to announce that our keeper Gibbo was found alive and well at some point last week. After feeding us an absolutely outrageous story about why he didn\'t turn up last week, including cab drivers, hospitals and, most unbelievably, \"friends\", we decided to smile, agree and give him the kit to wash as punishment.

We scored so many that I don\'t know the order. But Ad Ellson and Billy Webb bagged hat-tricks. Bill’s second was a 45 yard volley, which he explained he only hit \"because I was too tired to take a touch\".

Errol Ahmed could have continued his scoring streak, but decided that an open goal from 4 yards was a bridge too far. Skipper Ad Ellson put in another great shift and deserved his 3 goals, he could\'ve had a 4th late on, but Stu Lenton didn\'t want him to and stole the ball from him. We were literally tackling each other at the end.

Al Barnes scored another \"lobby\" goal, he loves them. Russell Nethercot bagged his first goal, of many this season I\'m sure. His celebration was unique. Wheeling away towards the touchline, I thought he was coming to hug me, instead he stopped to grab a can of Kronenbourg off our support and have a well deserved swig. Genius. This was much better than his first touch on as a sub where he set himself up for a 30 yard bicycle kick. It went out for a throw.

The last goal was scored, with his first touch, by my deadline day signing Barry Cleaver. I\'ve already spent more money than Arsene Wenger this transfer window.

The hardest thing this season will be keeping 22 quality players happy. So I\'m gonna buy some KitKats for everyone who doesn\'t start next week. Can\'t say fairer than that.

I asked for votes for MOM. It was a draw between Ad Ellson and Billy Webb. But I thought Dave Martin was MOM, so he gets it, because my opinion is worth more.

Team - Lee Gibbs, James Pyne, Chris Francis, Lee Cross, Dave Martin, Nigel Johnstone, Stu Lenton, Ad Ellson, Al Barnes, Errol Ahmed, Billy Webb, Barry Cleaver, Rich Piles, Luke Johnson, Russell Nethercot