Match Report

A strong Vets side took to Farnborough Sports Club in a bid to turn the tide and save under fire manager Toby Harlow’s managerial career! With no wins to date, the midfield firebrand is under pressure, and a fixture against Avery Hill is not where you want to be when you are looking to pull off a first win of the season!

Worse still, when several of the lads went down with split sides after Colin Mant revealed his new boots (see picture above) the job seemed harder! Would the boots score? Would they f***!!!!

With the bare eleven to choose from Toby lined up the boys as follows. Steve Tanner in goal, Trevor Stewart, Steve Blanchard, Ian Coles and Dave Asseltine were given the defensive duties, Colin Brazier, Toby Harlow, Steve Viner (he’s the Chairman in case you don’t know!) and Colin Ebdon in midfield, Colin Mant and Paul Smith the strike partnership. Thanks to Mick Gearing for doing a great job refereeing the game.

Both sides shared 5 goals apiece in the meeting earlier in the season, but for the first 30 minutes it looked as if it would be a tighter game this time around. We were pressing well, and played some of our best football of the season, the wide men were getting forward, the midfield supporting the attack and the shape was good. The defence looked solid despite a bit of early pressure, but it was FOBG who nearly went ahead. Paul Smith chased down a lost cause keeping the ball in when it looked to be going for a goal-kick, tricked and muscled his way into the box, and from the tightest of angles fizzed a shot which the keeper did well to touch onto the far post and out for a throw.

Colin Brazier then shot wide after creating an opening from 25 yards, and our confidence was flowing. But the usual kick in the teeth cometh, and a looped header over Steve Tanner gave them the advantage, and shortly after a quality finish from their striker took them two-up at half-time.

After scoring two goals so late on in the half they had the bit between their teeth, and within 15 minutes of the restart we had conceded another two soft goals. Four down, we had to show some pride, which to our credit we did, and we switched the football back on again.

With good passing and movement we started to create, and Colin Mant touched the ball through to Paul Smith who drove the ball into the net to grab a goal back. One turned to two when a clipped ball into the box saw ‘Flash’ Mant upended for a clear penalty (take note Mr Cawker!!), and Paul Smith made no mistake from the spot. The Avery Hill keeper was called on to parry another goal-bound effort, and we finished well, but Avery Hill ran out worthy winners. They are a good side and play good football, one of the most sporting sides we play, the games are competitive but fairly contested and we look forward to playing them next season.

Colin

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I can''t see, I can''t see, I can''t see, all the Farnborough Vets kept repeating as they entered the dressing room, why is it so bright in here? The blinding light kept up its brilliance as one by one the Farnborough twelve kept filing in. What the hell was this? Not one player could barely open their eyes as the light intensified to almost biblical proportions. This was becoming absurd; every single footballer was now being partially blinded by the intense rays emanating from the home teams changing area. Then suddenly, without a whisper, without a word, all went back to normal. It was only then that we all gladly realised that Colin Mant had very kindly put the lid back on his new boot box!!!!!!........ What the f... are they, screamed the team as once again Colin gave us all a glance of his new footing attire. Truly pantomimes are made by moments like this. Yes dear old "big C" had dutifully and gamefully bought a pair of Gary Glitter boots at auction. How he now strutted around like a rare turkey with his feathers up. The roasting was about to begin.......

As the team began the match we all had high hopes that this would be the one, this would be the day that Farnborough would eventually win a game of football. And so it was that our 11 knights in armour began the game with blinkers - as Colin had actually decided to wear the "sun beams" on his feet.

The game started brightly with both teams giving as good as they got, playing some neat football, and playing it mostly on the floor. But as always in these games, something has to give, and unfortunately it was us....again.....with them shooting on goal, our goalkeeper had decided that at that split second he had swapped his football boots with a pair of deep sea diving ones, and with these on, his digits only managed to raise above sea level, and thus let in that vital first goal. Within a short space of time this had doubled to 2-0. Then the whistle went for the break. This brought the usual chit-chat of what to do next, and it was only a few players who noticed the appalling weather of grey clouds and constant rain. It was only a few players also who had noticed that in this terrible weather I was wearing sun glasses. But alas! It then became obvious that I was looking down at Colin’s new "mesmerisers" which were now slightly tarnished with mud.

The second half began and before long we were 4-0 down.............yes indeed if we can’t score at the opposite end, we can surely shoot ourselves in the foot by scoring for them. (Sorry Toby).

Then as it seemed that all else failed, Colin of “Billy’s boots" fame bedazzles the defender, gets on the high board and dives for his life. Nature programmes are made with actions like these. Indeed I had to pinch myself to see, if, just by the off chance, David Attenborough was not hiding in the trees somewhere doing a running commentary. So this was it, we duly scored and Colin signed up for the London Olympic bid as first choice diving instructor.

One goal soon became two and we all saw a chance to score more as the opposition faded, but unfortunately, time was against us, and without due regard the game ended 2-4 to them. But having watched from the sideline I can honestly say there was some good football played by us at times, some good linkage play, some solid defending, and good inter-play...........so all is not lost!!!! So here you are then those gallant chaps in yellow and red, Ian "chisler" Coles, Steve "rub-a-dub" Blanchard, Trevor "all-over-the-place" Stewart, Dave "G.B.H." Asseltine, Steve "slim-boy" Viner, Colin “one foot” Brazier, Toby "fat-boy" Harlow, Colin ''the digger" Ebdon, Paul "new boy” Smith, Lee "cherry-blossom" Southby, Steve "half-a-sixpence" Tanner, and the one and only Colin "if you think my boots are bright you should see my under-pants collection" Mant.

..............SO......ONLY ONE GAME TO GO..........WILL WE BEAT THAT EVER FORBODING RECORD OF NO WINS !!!!!!!! ONLY TIME AND DAYS WILL TELL MUSIC MAESTRO PLEASE !!

Crazee Game Crazee Guys Love Ya - Jimmy the Fish

P.S. Have I mentioned about Colin''s new boots ?

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.