Match Report

If you go down to the woods today you’ll hardly believe your eyes, if you go down to the fields today beware of a big surprise, the Vets are playing the Maidstone crew, the prisoner''s out and his best mate too, for today’s the day the convicts get their pardon! Okay Dave?

So the record continues - no wins to date. With this in mind, Toby " Rugby Special" Harlow re-shuffles the pack with a newish back line to try and pull a ''BLINDER'' against a 20 man Maidstone bully boys team. As usual we started off well, by conceding the first goal within 5 minutes. They get a corner, it’s swung over like a boomerang skims off a head, goes wide to one of their players who slams the ball into the net from 5 yards out. Thus Toby’s new plan was already in jeopardy with a new back line consisting of Roger "Thumbelina" French, Steve "Tom Tom the Piper''s Son" Blanchard, Ian “Puss in Boots" Coles, Dave "Who Killed Cock Robin?" Asseltine, and straight from emergency ward 10, Mick "Old MacDonald" Gearing. Nothing they could do or anybody else in the team could stop them controlling the first half; they played quick football, were good in all areas, and were difficult to mark. So it was nice to see Lee "Little Bo-Peep" Southby, popping up inside the box, to bring us into half time 3-1 down.

But the troops rallied in the second half, Mick "Howitzer" Gearing gave us the commanding orders we needed, with note book in hip and the warring cry of "come on lads", we carried out his duties by having a much better second half, by battling away in the trenches ,and making it more difficult for them. The midfield got more of the ball and put together some fine passing moves. Chris “See-Saw Margery Door" Ponulakkkkkkkkkkkky and, Toby "Hot Cross Buns" Harlow, put some more challenges in and for a time, certainly made it more difficult for them. We were getting back in the game, and as they were tiring, we had a few more chances. Unfortunately neither Colin ''Wee Willie Winkie" Mant or Lee "Cock-a-doodle Doo" Southby could get us the extra goals needed. With little time left Chris "Goosy Goosy Gander" Bourlet came on and managed to touch the ball a few times whilst carrying a career threatening injury.

Unfortunately there was a crooked man who had a crooked plan and with only seconds to go they scored again when Toby "Polly Put the Kettle On" Manchip, was caught unawares whilst sipping the Earl Grey on the far post, and let in a softie.

So what can we gain from this loss................a much more spirited performance in the second half, a more committed whole team effort, and hard work done until the final whistle, blown by the enormous turnip in the middle.

Well done men of the match this week, joint honours go to Ian "Hickory Dickory Dock" Coles and jail bait ringer Dave ''My Times up Me Lud” Asseltine.

But remember the hare and the tortoise who found chicken-licken, and the three Billy Goats gruff all went to see the owl and the pussycat, who were with their mates, Peter and the wolf and the ugly duckling ---no eensy weensy spiders for them, oh no, because baa baa black shheep had been going round the mulberry bush, and only found simple Simon by a pieman.......................................and you think we’ve got troubles!!!!! Crazeee game, crazeee guys. Love ya.

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We just about managed to scrape a team together for this visit to the windswept plains of Maidstone thanks to Micky Gearing helping out for the second week running....not bad for somebody who had moved on to Super Vets football. The team formation was once again shuffled with The Juggler in goal, a back four of Ian Coles, Dave Asseltine, Steve Blanchard and Micky Gearing, the midfield consisted of Lee Southby, Toby Harlow, Chris Ponulak and Kev (Pompey) with Colin Mant and myself up front and Chris Bourlet starting as 12th man due to injury.

We were greeted by the news that Maidstone had several eager substitutes (at least four)...if only we had that luxury. They got off to a flying start putting us under a lot of pressure right from the start and were 1-0 up within 5 minutes and things were looking bad. We survived a number of close calls mainly due to poor finishing and on our first foray forward we managed to level the scores when Lee Southby followed up on a loose ball to score. This briefly disrupted Maidstone''s flow and we had a 10 minute period where we were close to matching them! However this did not last long and they extended the score to 3-1 at half-time.

The second half continued to see Maidstone pressing forward using the space managed to advance into the Maidstone half on a number of occasions even creating some shooting opportunities and I do believe we might have won a corner although I am not 100% sure about that it might just have been a throw in close to the corner flag. Just when it looked as if we might have kept a clean sheet for the second half one of our rare attacks broke down and Maidstone came charging through in numbers and despite Toby Juggler keeping out a point blank shot they had players lining up for the rebound. Disappointing as the ref blew the final whistle moments afterwards.

Despite everything about this season (i.e. we still have not won a game) the spirit is there and of course it’s the taking part that counts....who came up with that load of bollards (they obviously hadn''t suffered the best part of a season''s worth of defeats!). Only a few games left and it looks like we do not have a keeper for the next two games....things can only get better, I wish I knew how though!

To the regiment...I wish I was there.

Rog